And yet again, i looked at the past and i got frustrated. Stupid am i? But, hey, don't blame me yet. It's hard to just forget. Don't worry though, i will and i'm trying.

To the past, you don't deserve my present so please don't come back not even in the form of memories.

I am proud of myself today.

Today i handled things calmly. I didn't go all over the place and out of control, instead, i think i controlled the emotions of everybody today. Thanks to the work life balance class and the ecommunication class and life experience and the inspirational stories i read over the internet. All this made it possible for me to change. I'm really happy that i finally managed to earn the respect, even though it's small or little, but i had it. I had it that moment and i know every single thing i said was understood.

Thank you Allah because you allowed me to change. Amin.

Malam ini aku keseorangan

Tanpamu , tanpa bintang dan tanpa bulan

Hanya kegelapan.

Aku dibaluti dengan segala perasaan

Aku kesal dengan keputusan

Aku binggung dengan keadaan

Aku mengalah dengan kemarahan

Tapi, haruskah aku memikul segala beban?

Akhirnya aku bosan.

Aku kembali ke realiti

Aku cuba melihat kanan kiri
Namun, bayangmu, jasadmu tidak aku temui

Aku mula rasa diri dikhianati.

Airmata mula berlinang
Dari situ aku mula sedar apa yang telah hilang

Aku sangat kecewa kerana engkau masih aku sayang

Tapi segalanya kini hanya tinggal bayang-bayang.

Aku terus dalam kegelapan, keseorangan

Tanpa bintang, tanpa bulan,

Hanya memori bayangan.

Meraung aku sendiri
Tiada yang menghampiri
Untuk mengubati kelukaan dihati
Oh, kecilnya terasa diri.

Namun, didalam tangisan, didalam raungan

Aku terasa diri disentuh dengan penuh belaian

Aku mula merasakan kehangatan
Siapa kah insan ini yang cuba menghulurkan bantuan?

Dalam kegelapan aku cuba meneka
Tiba-tiba segalanya terasa seakan serupa

Terpancar sang cahaya

Oh tuhan, aku seakan tidak percaya

Adakah ini hanya permainan mata?

Dihapanku engkau berdiri

Hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu betapa gembiranya hati ini

Engkau kekasih yang aku sayangi
Kini sudah kembali.

Disaat itu hati kecil berbisik kepadaku

Hanya engkau yang aku mahu
Hanya engkau yang satu

Hanya engkau yang mampu
Melukai dan mengubati hati ini, kekasihku.

Oh, hangatnya dakapanmu

Betapa aku rindu
Maafkan diriku yang terburu-buru
Kerana kini aku tahu,

Tanpamu aku semakin keliru.

Sayang,
Kasih lah aku,
Sayangi lah aku,
Kerana kali ini aku sedar tiada lain melainkan kamu.

Aku sayang kamu, Abid. <3

Sometimes life will do you a favour by letting things go your way but most of the time you have to do life a favour by accepting how it want things to be by its way. Most people blame and start questioning life when it goes wrong and most people loves life when it goes right. Most people also always says, "Live life to the fullest." How many of us is actually living life to the fullest? Am i? I don't know. What i know is, i am starting to live it to the fullest. Or at least i hope i am.

You know it is really hard to actually just talk and express yourself now a days because there are so many people that you need to think of. Like their feelings, their thoughts and everything is about them. Well, i mean, if i say the wrong thing it will just spark and i lose it all. Maybe not to strangers but more to the people you care about and love, of course. But at the same time, i don't want to think about them. I just want to express myself and hope someone listen. Not that i don't have one. Just that i don't know. I mean, the problem. I really don't know.

Indeed it is hard. I am having a hard time. People always tell me life is a learning journey. True enough i agree. Like best friend say, that line is a cliche but one have to believe in it as it is true even though it is painful. Mistakes are odd to be make, but not everybody learnt from them. Right? So why is life a learning journey? Yet again, i don't know. I'm in a mess right now. When i think back, why is everything so hard for me when actually things are simple and easy?

That is when i start to blame myself and life. So i'm just like most people. I blame myself because when things happen i wonder am i not good enough or am i just not up to someone's standard when they judge or am i being too sensitive or am i being paranoid or am i being selfish or am i just stupid? You know all the negative questions rushed in and all the answers are not different, negative. I hate it when that happens, hence i blame life for making me face all this questions.

The truth is it was never life's fault. It's my destiny. It's just what have to happen to me. I got to live with it and then let go of it. Right? But how do i let it go when i don't know how to. When i am so afraid of just one thing -letting go.

What now? Should i continue living life to the fullest, meaning me before others in my case? Or should i just let go and start fresh? Or should i continue learning from whatever happens to my life? The answer to all this question is i don't know.

What i know now is i'm not blaming life anymore because it is not its fault. This is what most people call faith, fate, destiny, part and parcel of life or even coincidence.

I'm sorry if this post is not to any of your favour and liking, but i'm sorry too this is my blog. I need nobody to agree on what i post or give me any permission to do so.

I'm exhausted.

Hello there everyone.

I'm going to be out of the country tomorrow and i've yet to start packing. Reason is i'm lazy. I mean, literally lazy. Oh, whatever it is i better get packing. And to you people please pray for my family and my safety when we are there k?

Thanks.

Bye.

Throat, why are you only specifically painful only after 12? D: