Sometimes life will do you a favour by letting things go your way but most of the time you have to do life a favour by accepting how it want things to be by its way. Most people blame and start questioning life when it goes wrong and most people loves life when it goes right. Most people also always says, "Live life to the fullest." How many of us is actually living life to the fullest? Am i? I don't know. What i know is, i am starting to live it to the fullest. Or at least i hope i am.

You know it is really hard to actually just talk and express yourself now a days because there are so many people that you need to think of. Like their feelings, their thoughts and everything is about them. Well, i mean, if i say the wrong thing it will just spark and i lose it all. Maybe not to strangers but more to the people you care about and love, of course. But at the same time, i don't want to think about them. I just want to express myself and hope someone listen. Not that i don't have one. Just that i don't know. I mean, the problem. I really don't know.

Indeed it is hard. I am having a hard time. People always tell me life is a learning journey. True enough i agree. Like best friend say, that line is a cliche but one have to believe in it as it is true even though it is painful. Mistakes are odd to be make, but not everybody learnt from them. Right? So why is life a learning journey? Yet again, i don't know. I'm in a mess right now. When i think back, why is everything so hard for me when actually things are simple and easy?

That is when i start to blame myself and life. So i'm just like most people. I blame myself because when things happen i wonder am i not good enough or am i just not up to someone's standard when they judge or am i being too sensitive or am i being paranoid or am i being selfish or am i just stupid? You know all the negative questions rushed in and all the answers are not different, negative. I hate it when that happens, hence i blame life for making me face all this questions.

The truth is it was never life's fault. It's my destiny. It's just what have to happen to me. I got to live with it and then let go of it. Right? But how do i let it go when i don't know how to. When i am so afraid of just one thing -letting go.

What now? Should i continue living life to the fullest, meaning me before others in my case? Or should i just let go and start fresh? Or should i continue learning from whatever happens to my life? The answer to all this question is i don't know.

What i know now is i'm not blaming life anymore because it is not its fault. This is what most people call faith, fate, destiny, part and parcel of life or even coincidence.

I'm sorry if this post is not to any of your favour and liking, but i'm sorry too this is my blog. I need nobody to agree on what i post or give me any permission to do so.

I'm exhausted.